I am back from vacation cats and kittens!

I've got about 2 weeks worth of Halloweenie stories to get out of me before they cause blood poisoning.
Before that happens however, I have some Zep-dates...
Paulie's journal is now syndicated like a fancy boy. If you want to read the agony and ecstasy of your modern day moody pop-star, click HERE and add him. What you will get when he posts is a link on your friends page instead of an entire post, kinda like Reader's Digest but without the "Word Power Challenge!"

Next up, you folks might remember the goings on a few months back in Cincinnati. Well, I met a cool chicka there who sat down next to me at lunch one day to inquire about our corporate policy on face piercings. She said she saw me from across the compound and felt I might know. She has now come over to the dark side and since she was kind enough to send me a bobbing dashboard Jesus through the mail, I thought I would give her journal a shoutout - This is Rachel.

The following is a reference guide to the inside jokes for the trip to Hilton Head:

calling people, "HamFuckers"
nearly everything was "Steaming mad at dirt!"
and there was apparently some bodily noise humor that I missed out on during a late night UNO game. My good friend drunky had already sweetly tucked me into bed.

Huge, bizarre, and possibly scarring stories to follow, my pets!

incident #1, 3 days pre-vacation

About a week and a half ago, the following conversation occurred between myself and a surly, suspicious dispatch supervisor who works for the Waste Management company.

Supervisor - "I understand there was an incident with one of our trash retrieving vehicles... why don't you just explain to me exactly what happened in your own words, maam."
*he said "maam" but he meant "bitch."

Me - "Certainly, I was stopped at a stop light on Haynes Bridge Road at 1:00 and... (insert gory details of his company's garbage truck ramming into me, the driver apologizing through the window and then fleeing the scene when I pulled over to examine the damage) ...then the people at Ruby Tuesday's called the police."

Supervisor - (patronizing) "I don't suppose you happened to get a look at the driver?"

Me - "I sure did! How many drivers you have there with gold teeth and a really big afro?"

Supervisor - *long pause
(with resignation) "Alright I guess you had better give me the name of the officer and case number...(heavy sigh) here's our insurance information..."
__________

Follow-up - I got a phone call a day later from the spunky officer Chet who advised me that he had located and interviewed the driver of the ve-hic-le. It seems the gold-toofus doofus told him flat out that he never saw me, he never hit me, and he never spoke to me. Sort of like that Who song, but in reverse.
Unfortunately for him, his pal in the cab completely busted him to Officer Chet so they arrested his ass and now I got a shiny new subpoena hanging on my bulletin board.

Stay tuned for continuance of this episode December 17th at 8:00 AM Municipal Court.