Turning myself in and turning myself out

Firstly, I would like to thank the anonymous benefactor from North Carolina who generously sent me a copy of the book "Eats, Shoots & Leaves" on Friday. This was something I obviously needed and wanted you to know that I truly truly appreciated the gesture as well. I generally write very quickly because I am at work. I am aware of most of the mistakes I make but fail to fix them because I lack the time to look up the correct usage. Please give me a few days to absorb the book to avoid committing any further heinous punctuation crimes against humanity.
On a broader note, to everyone who drops me occasional emails regarding my obscene dangling participles and my ghastly split infinitives - I will endeavor to be more precise.

I really want to say more than anything that I have been completely rehabilitated and will no longer pose a threat to the English language but you know how criminals are.

( In honor of the Statue of David's 500th birthday )