novelty peaks when the Commodore is in town

I picked my father up yesterday from the airport sporting a cane and an Indiana Jones hat. He complained that the doctor was making him carry a cane where ever he goes now. I wanted to remind him that he already owns an extensive collection of canes since he always had them as some kind of gesticulating device when I was growing up and the only difference between now and then is now they have become utilitarian and therefore suddenly annoying.

a list of direct quotes so far:

"Sarah can you look at my head, there is something going on back there..."

"People who do not properly edit books are a rash upon society"

"Why would someone want to smell like Jello?" (me)"That says 'fragrances by J-Lo' dad."

"Be honest, do you think black people are being nicer to me?"

leaning over a counter "This is a scam, like bottled water. I feel dirty just being in here. (me)"Dad could you please just let the man make my coffee?"

Who is Mrs. Susan Raspberry? (me)"I dont know why?" "She is stuck to my shoe."

Your brother has been writing smaller lately - do you think that effects his self esteem?"

Do you think (insert family name here)is having an affair? (me) uhh I don't think so why? "Well there was that guy who used come around and it was a little acey duecey no peeky nine card baseball crampa tampa 9s 7s and split berry kings wild."

*for the record I made him repeat that last one three times to make sure I had it right.