The Commodore has left the building

Before he whisked off to Vancouver however a few more precious gems fell from his lips.

"Those people were pretty nice considering they were Christian and all"


This was uttered to the people at the train depot museum, whom he had just met 15 minutes prior,
Commodore: “Let me see if I can buy you folks a railroad car to go on those empty tracks over there."
Person running the museum: "uh well, that would be very generous of you."
Commodore: "You would let me come and sit in it... right?"


Pronounced very loudly at a 4 star restaurant,
"This place is MUCH better than Taco Bell!"


Spoken to a French Waiter, "Can you bring my daughter here a Beefeater gin martini straight up with a lemon twist? We need to keep her on her toes. Also bring us some Molluscan Gastropoda and two spoons!"


Yelled into the phone, "What they don't understand is that I am a man with needs!"


"Your friends seemed relatively intelligent, but I am really amazed by their children."
me: "How so?"
"They owned such well mannered infants, there was no snot-nosed screaming and wailing like the horrid little street urchins that most children are..."


I don’t want to be called a diabetic, I prefer ‘Sugar Cripple.’


"You know the second I kissed her hand I could tell she used to be a man"